I have the best boyfriend.

Flowers I got from William a month ago.

As I mentioned in this blog article on my mental illness, I have mental illness. Yesterday I woke up with an anxiety attack about how my life is at the moment. I won't get into the details here. William, my boyfriend whom I live with, reassured me about everything then helped me start to make myself an early lunch. Afterwards, his mom called and I surprised him by saying I would like to go out for lunch and even go to the DMV (despite the DMV making me anxious too.) All in all, I managed to come back from a severe anxiety attack to the point where I left my comfort zone to be around 1) his mother and 2) the DMV. (His mother isn't really that stressful, but being around her still can push my social anxiety if I don't have enough spoons.) 

I came home at about 4pm. I called my therapist to double check an appointment and my psychiatrist to make one, then I promptly went to bed to detox from the day.

I woke up today with William saying he had a gift for me. I was confused, because we don't have any money for him to buy me anything. He then gave me this:

It's an small garlic jar filled with my protection sea salt, sunflower petals, and topped off with his worry stone he carried in his pocket. He gave it to me for protection.

My boyfriend isn't pagan or "New Age", though. (He believes in pantheistic secular humanism.) He also isn't someone who does magic. This isn't the type of thing he does normally. But he did this for me, because he knows I believe in it and work with it. Just like the gifts he got me for my birthday.

So. I'm just. Floored by how lovely this is. It's really soothing to look at, which I think is because he gave me it.

Mental Illness and Spirituality

From Hyperbole and a Half: Depression Part 2

When I was living in Philadelphia, I attended an open Full Moon Ritual at a local Wiccan Coven. I went with two other pagans I had met previously and attended two Sabbats with at the same Coven. This was just at the beginning of my path in paganism, so I felt very new, out of place, and ignorant. I was also probably the youngest person of legal age there (which is to say, I was 18 and everyone else was 28+.) This ritual was different in that my friend had a visitor from Florida joining us. An elderly witch who had been a witch for more than the sum of my lifetime.

On the car ride home, we somehow started talking about mental illness. Mine in particular. I don't recall the timeframe, but I might have brought up how I wasn't doing well in school and would probably be moving to my parents' house in Nebraska. The witch from Florida said something to the effect of, "If you give yourself over to the Goddess, she would take away all your sadness."

Perhaps it was Lugh who gave me the strength, but I was able to firmly and boldly say, "No. That is not how mental illness works, and is extremely ignorant to suggest that it is."

Holy Festivals and Secular Days

While not the definitive Gaelic New Year, I like many others regard Samhain to be the Gaelic New Year. Thus, my year begins after my Samhain celebrations. I'm finishing my ritual and overall festivities specifically for my spiritual self tonight, but I wanted to take the time to share my yearly celebrations (mainly because I pinpointed what they would be a few weeks ago.) Like my beliefs, these may change over the years. But as of this moment, here's my holiday calendar.

My Beliefs ... As of Today

"Change" by NaBHaN

I am starting a new Tumblr blog, despite creating this blog so I wouldn't. But my idea behind what this blog should be changed. Instead of just being a place to store and type out my thoughts, I have started to consider this blog a platform for discussion.

And like my idea behind what this blog should be changed, so have my personal beliefs. For one, I am distancing myself from calling myself "pagan" and "witch"--two identifiers I have used for several years now. But my perceptions are changing, thus so too are my beliefs in what I am and should be.

Using Minecraft for Worship: A Shrine to Lugh

"Druid(?)" Shrine (source)

I live in a small apartment. My boyfriend and I do not have any space for a kitchen table, yet I managed to squeeze in a small corner of our studio to be a shrine space. Still, I find that it lacks a lot. I wish the space could be dedicated better to the shrine, and less to witchcraft tools and the nightstand with our phone chargers. 

I found a way, though, to have shrines. As large and a vast as I want: I am making them in a video game called Minecraft.

Slow to Update

Well, almost. I have been busy with a few different projects, most of which actually involve my spiritual craft. Yet that has made updating this blog pushed further and further down the list.

Firstly, I have taken the step to join ADF. I am not sure if I explicitly mentioned on this blog before about my draw to Druidry and Celtic paganism, but both have been on my mind for a couple years now. As I am running out of my own material, I want to take a more academic guided course to learning about both. I believe ADF is offering such a course. I will most likely be posting more about that as I begin my studies as a member (who aspires to be a Dedicant.)

Secondly, I am spending a lot of my blogging time with Seaconjure. This is a personal practice of someone I met through web forums and blogs whose practice intrigues me. I adore the sea, the ocean, and water. I want to continue to explore this type of spirituality. From what I know of both Seaconjure and ADF, neither conflict. Thus, there is no reason I can't be both.

Thirdly, I am doing more things off-line. The Steam Summer Sale has pulled me back into gaming more; I am hanging out with my boyfriend more. I am also cooking more as well. I am trying to take care of my home so that it is clean.

But I do miss writing and keeping myself to an article-a-week schedule. I plan to update tomorrow with a news story from the area.